Adjustment

I've been wanting for some time to write about the various adjustments we have gone through following the adoption. Maybe it's being a psychologist, but I find it pretty fascinating and it was one of my biggest concerns with adopting a child. The most difficult part for all of us was leaving Kaya for such an extended period of time. I was only gone for 10 days but Derrick was gone for 5 weeks. Not easy for a little sweetie who is use to having her mom and dad around all the time. I would say that Kaya had almost as much difficulty adjusting as Masey. She started throwing tantrums the day after I got home. She would just go into a rage over something little. She was never a tantrum thrower before thank heavens. Several times I would just hold her after she calmed down and she would cry and cry until she fell asleep. Very, very sad for me. I think she could also feel my stress over the situation and didn't understand why dad wasn't coming home.
She became extremely clingy to me and wouldn't let me out of her sight. She would want to retrace steps like going back up the stairs to help her down them even if I was already at the bottom or going back to the car if I hadn't walked her into the house. This continued long after Derrick came home and it took some time to rebuild the close relationship that they had. She is still a very mommy clingy girl but no more than before now :) One thing that I have loved is that Masey has always been an extremely loving girl with me. I was always petrified of having a child with RAD so this has been quite a relief. She and I bonded quickly in Africa and she immediately took to me once she came home. A little too much... She is my little shadow and for some time viewed Kaya as competition to that. She also displayed very typical attachment issues for a toddler. While in the hospital, she would want random people to hold her. Someone would walk in the room and she would hold out her arms to them. She became overwhelmed in the first few weeks if we went places with lots of people. She cried a lot and couldn't stand for me to be out of her sight. I think her being so sick in Uganda and then in the hospital and having surgeries here compounded the difficulty of the situation. One of the hardest parts for all of us has been that she became so attached to me and very unattached to Derrick. I really believe that she viewed Derrick as someone who takes her away from people she loves. He was the one who had to be with her during all the horrible medical stuff in Uganda and then he took her from Africa and brought her to a completely new life. She would have a panic response if I tried to hand her to Derrick. She would cling to me and scream. If she was downstairs with Derrick and would hear me upstairs she would get hysterical until he brought her to me. On the other hand, I could take her to church nursery and she would walk in and not look back. One Sunday, Derrick had to give her to our friends to make her stop crying when I was in a separate class. Their relationship has gradually gotten better over the past months but it has taken a lot of effort. She is now doing fantastic and has been for the past few months. She is a very typical two year old who is very strong-willed and knows exactly what she wants and never fails to let us know what that is. I have read several blogs where the families were blessed to have toddlers and children that adjusted very quickly and easily so I hope that this helps those that have had a more difficult time. Most importantly, having Masey in our family is just so right. I don't have words to express the love and gratitude I feel to have been able to bring her home. My heart goes out to families that are still waiting. It can feel like such a long journey. Sometimes I just sit and think I can't believe we really did it. We really went to Africa, adopted a child, and now she is a part of our family forever. Amazing.